my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
