Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
