The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
