new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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