I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
