Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
