Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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