I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
