hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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