HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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