Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
