wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
