We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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