you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
