you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
