So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
