I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
