a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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