I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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