operation harelip BJ is a go
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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