for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
