I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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