It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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