well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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