I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
