What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
