peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
