Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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