That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
