A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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