It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Randomize
