woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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