Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
