her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
