he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
