you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
