She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I could fuck to npr.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
