this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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