As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
