I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
