Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Couch. On fire.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
