if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
