U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
