I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
