Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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