Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
