dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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