woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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