if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
