next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
