I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
