so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
