Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
