Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
