So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
